Friday, May 02, 2008

Brian's priorities

In deference to the Greens, this is a (weak, old) joke recycled. No animals have died in the conversion.

Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s office phone rings.
'Hello, Taoiseach? This is Jimmy Murphy, the special branch man assigned as security to your home.
'Yes, Jimmy. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Ah, I was just calling to advise, Taoiseach, that your greyhound has died.'
' My greyhound? Dead? Which one? Not The Bertie Bowler, the one that won the Shelbourne Derby?'
“That's the one.'
'Jaysus! That's a bummer! That dog would have been worth a fortune at stud. What did
he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, Taoiseach'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The steeplechaser, Taoiseach'
'The chaser is dead? The non-resident one I got from JP as a tax-free inauguration present? '
'Yes Taoiseach, he died from all that work pulling a cartload of water barrels.'

'Why the hell would he be pulling anything?
'We needed the water to put out the fire, Taoiseach.'
‘What fire ??'
'The one at your house, Taoiseach! A candle fell and the curtains caught
on fire.'
'Jaysus, are you saying that my house has burnt down, because
of a candle?'
'Yes, Taoiseach.'

'But we use Gormley’s bloody CFL lightbulbs in the house! What was the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Taoiseach.'
'Your wife's, Taoiseach. She came home very late and let herself in without turning on any lights. I thought it was a thief, so I hit her with the hurley you keep in the trophy cabinet. Afterwards, your daughter told me that she never bothered turning on the lights when she came in late because they take so bloody long to light up properly.'

'The hurley I got from Brian Whelehan, the one he used in the ‘98 All Ireland Final?'
'Yes, Taoiseach, that’s the one.'

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE..........

'Jaysus Jimmy, if you broke that hurley, you really are in deep shit!'

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